It's only Inertia, Dear Boy

The London Olympics brings back fond memories of the 2010 Commonwealth Games – the media always had something to do. They were so happy. The world seemed so eventful.

Here is some of the fodder that the London Olympics is providing for the journalists: the logo is hideous, the allegations that Olympics uniforms are being manufactured in sweatshop labour conditions in Indonesia are being taken “very seriously”, the security threat of lone idiots disrupting the events has been recognised and the closing ceremony will include a tribute to British pop culture called “Symphony of Rock”.

The London Olympics Organising Committee is also taking the Symphony of Rock “very seriously”. No, really. They’ve pulled out all the stops. The list of performers is expected to include the Rolling Stones, Paul McCartney, Elton John and Coldplay, among others. You might even say they went overboard with their enthusiasm. Among those invited was The Who’s legendary drummer, Keith Moon. It’s very nice of the organisers to ask, of course. But they just missed him – by nearly 34 years. In an uncharacteristically selfish move, Keith Moon has declined the invitation to play at the Olympics because he is dead. What a bummer.

Well, you can’t argue with that. It certainly is a valid reason, possibly the only one acceptable for refusing the honour of representing one’s country on a global stage. But 1978 was such a long time ago. Things change. Perhaps the organisers were just checking if he’s still dead.

I suspect they saw pictures of Moon dressed like a sex kitten and assumed he had nine lives. Or maybe, since he is Keith Moon after all, they believed that he could do pretty much anything he wanted to, including rising from the dead to detonate a drum kit for an Olympics ceremony. The Who’s manager, Bill Curbishley, hasn’t ruled out the possibility. In his polite response to the invitation, he helpfully suggested, “If they have a round table, some glasses and candles, we might contact him.”

I would totally watch that.

Poise

I think part of the reason why I didn’t have a job for such a long time was that I was afraid of getting one. I'm still afraid of getting started. Right now, my record is clean. Empty. Not a spot. There’s a certain amount of liberty you can take with the way you see yourself when you’re unemployed. You get neatly boxed and labelled once you have a job. When I tried to explain my immense loss of identity from getting a job to a friend, he directed me to First World Pains. I’m offended.

Speaking of jobs, I know of a man who knows how to get exactly the one he wants. I do envy his self-assured, confident poise, his manly tears at his unsurprising victory and the eyes that twinkle under the neatly Botoxed forehead. Putin’s election has also generated some classy headlines, the likes of which may never be seen again. Congratulations, Mr. Putin. But I don’t believe you.

This time I'm on Facebook's side

I came across a news report about employers “requesting” prospective employees to provide their Facebook passwords so that they can “predict possible negative behaviours and attitudes.” You’d think after the 2008 recession that companies would be too busy covering their arses to insist that their employees be squeaky clean even in their personal communications. A big ask, you’d think, from a bunch of indicted frauds. Or a swindling of frauds. Isn't that a nice collective noun? 

How bad does the economy have to be for such demands to be acceptable? Are the legal departments getting that bored? Or is this a last ditch attempt by HR managers to find something to live for – other people’s friends?

I think it’s about time we all got a bit cocky too. Let’s ask an interviewer why he chose a life of such mind-numbing drudgery. Ask them about the fraud allegations their company faced the year before last and the funds being channelled to the firm through tax havens. Or better still, let’s ask them for their Facebook passwords and mock them for their sad single-digit friend lists.

Stop... er...

I was directed to the Stop Kony movement by a comment on one of my previous posts. As far as writing material for a blog goes, this is the absolute gold standard. But words fail me.  

I was introduced today to a rather interesting paper on the nature of political revolutions. It appears that 2012 is the season for revolutions of a different sort. 2011 set the stage pretty well with our beloved Mr. Hazare and Occupy Wall Street which, for some reason, seem to have eclipsed real (and more violent) protests elsewhere. 

The Invisible Children movement is probably a natural extension of the power trip that social media thinks it is on. But Oprah Winfrey and Justin Bieber's endorsement should have set off alarm bells much sooner. Now, now. Don't judge young Mr. Russell. People have done far worse under stress. 

Man Up, Wall Street

I can’t say I’ve been following the Occupy Wall Street protests with bated breath. For one, I don’t know what the protest is about and it seems, nor does anybody else – not the protesters, not the reporters, not those who approve or disapprove of the movement – in short, nobody.  A protest that’s not against something definite is not a protest so much as it is a public forum for airing self-pity. I thought the internet was enough for that. 


I'm a bit confused about what they expect to achieve and how they will do so. But I suppose most protesters are and that's really a secondary issue. Personally, I’m a big fan of protests. It gives everyone a few days off work. The media finally has something to report. There’s always something to watch on TV. And it’s indicative of a populace that is trying to think about the state of the world.

Unfortunately, Occupy Wall Street is running out of funds. Apparently, it’s difficult to draw attention to how poor you are unless someone gives you the money to do so. No, no. No irony at all. It’s time for Wall Street to be a man and do the right thing. It must fund the protests, thereby negating the premise of the protest altogether. It’s a win-win. 

Popular Media Invokes Economics Correctly

Nice story, this. Rawls and Nozick were really political philosophers whose ideas were later applied in economics. Economists like to revere those who don't call themselves economists. Nevertheless, it's nice to know something I studied is applicable in a relevant debate. This is sort of what I had in mind when I started this blog but I suppose I'd be a lot less entertaining if I really wrote such articles. 

The Kiss of Death

It was an ominous day when I was appointed to the placement cell of my undergraduate college. Within weeks it became patently clear that there would be a financial crisis. Indeed, the following summer saw a global food crisis, uncontrollable oil prices, spiralling inflation and an economic recession looming in the horizon. When the placement season began, I was asked to call all investment banks. The first bank I called was Lehman Brothers. After that, every company I called shut down within weeks. I decided I had done enough damage and quietly bowed out.

During my Master’s, I was careful not to be affiliated in any way with the placement cell. However, when the placement season started, I thought it wouldn’t hurt to apply to a couple of companies. So that’s what I did. I applied to exactly two companies. Both of them decided not to recruit anybody at all from our campus. I’ve decided not to apply to any more firms because it wouldn’t be fair to the rest of the students.

I’m wondering if I can blackmail firms with this unique skill I have. But what good would it do? If my calls can cause firms to shut down and my resume can cause a hiring freeze at every organisation it enters, what would hiring me do to the company?

Chinese government unhappy with Eric Schmidt

The Chinese government has reacted strongly to Google Chairman Eric Schmidt condemning their censorship policies. In its official response, the Chinese government said, “We have allowed them to make products that don’t require censorship. It is a huge market and we are asking them to operate under a few restrictions. They don’t have to be decadent capitalistic pigs about it.”

Defending the government’s censorship policy, a spokesperson for the government said, “We only censor things that nobody needs to know. We’re just like good parents who protect their children from harsh realities. We want our people to be happy. Sometimes erasing a part of your memory is a good thing. Haven’t you watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind?”

On being reminded that the movie actually suggests that the reverse is true, he whispered, “Not in the version that hit Chinese screens.”

Sarkozy’s foot to be permanently inserted in his mouth

French President Nicolas Sarkozy is due to undergo a minor surgery this Saturday to permanently insert his foot in his mouth. Following his unsavoury and embarrassing remarks about Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, Sarkozy has decided that the procedure will save him much time and effort.

“People are quite superficial and their expectations are often based on appearances. I want people to judge me correctly at first glance,” said the small Frenchman.

“If a taller man spoke like he does, the procedure would have been much more complicated. Fortunately, Mr. Sarkozy is short enough for the procedure to be completed in a matter of minutes. In fact, we expect that he will manage to perform the surgery himself,” said his doctor. 

Imran Khan to engage in some light politicking

Pakistani cricketer-turned-politician Imran Khan has found that issues like corruption, inflation, education and unemployment, about which he has held many drawing room discussions over the past 15 years, are not half as interesting as Kashmir.

“Led Zeppelin never sang a song called Inflation, did they?” reasoned the Oxford-educated Khan. Reaching out to a wider audience and cutting down the length of his speech to a crisp 50 minutes, he addressed a rally attended by 100,000 people in Lahore, hoping that they would vote for him based on his ability to deliver speeches that only render about 23.7 percent of the audience comatose.

After suffering a humiliating defeat in the 1997 elections, supporting Musharraf’s military coup in 1999 and withdrawing support just before the elections, receiving 0.8 percent of the total votes cast in the 2002 elections and finally boycotting the 2008 elections, Mr. Khan is optimistic about the 2013 elections. “We can only go up from here,” he said. 

EU wants WTO talks to be more fun

The European Union has suggested a change in the agenda for the WTO's eighth ministerial conference, which will be held in Geneva. Representatives from the Eurozone claimed that they are exhausted after the Greek debt crisis and would like to take a break and discuss something “light and breezy”.

“It’s been a decade since the Doha Round started and it’s quite clear at this point that we’re not getting anywhere. Why can’t we ever talk about how to mix a good drink or where our wives buy diamonds for a change?” wrote an unidentified EU representative in the informal trade negotiations committee.

The WTO remained cautious in its response. “I suppose a few rounds of blackjack or golf wouldn’t hurt,” said Pascal Lamy, Director General of the World Trade Organization. 

Germans are "just awesome drivers"

Behavioural economists have concluded that Germans are “just awesome drivers.” The record for maximum grands prix won in a season is currently held by Michael Schumacher, and is now likely to be equalled by Sebastian Vettel. Pressed to explain why Germans are able to dominate entire seasons in such a manner, behavioural economists at the prestigious University of Wedonthaveanythingbettertodo claimed that their explanation is broad enough to answer similar questions regarding the rising number of popular German Formula 1 drivers such as Heinz-Harald Frentzen, Nick Heidfeld, Timo Glock, Nico Rosberg, Adrian Sutil and Ralf Schumacher. As to why none of these drivers actually live in Germany, their null hypothesis is “Germans just don’t like to pay taxes.” The study is expected to be completed in mid-2012. 

Game Theorist receives $2 for lost luggage

A top airline company reportedly compensated a top game theorist with $2 for his lost luggage based on the famous Traveller’s Dilemma formulated by Kaushik Basu.

“We just assumed that he would be rational so instead of going through the motions of telling him that another traveller has lost an identical item and that we would pay $2 extra to the passenger who claims a lower value, we just directly skipped to the Nash equilibrium outcome. Our corporate motto is to anticipate customer expectations and fulfil them and I think we have lived up to our reputation,” said an airline official on condition of anonymity.

The elated passenger commended the airline for its farsightedness and excellent grasp of rationality and game theory. “The ideal world is within reach now,” he declared.

Airlines are queuing up to offer exclusive services to game theorists and rational economic persons.