Hair and There

I probably have the most difficult hair in the world. I’m honestly afraid of running my fingers through my hair when I’m frustrated for fear that they may never emerge again. I once showed up really late for a field trip and explained that my hair brush got stuck in my hair and I couldn’t get it out so I had to cut it, and nobody had any trouble believing that. Of course it was true that time, but it opened up a whole new vista of excuses for me. Not that I ever need to lie. My hair constantly outdoes my imagination.

In fact, I’m so used to hair jokes that I try to stay ahead of the curve and pre-empt any joke that might come my way. I once walked into the office during my internship after washing my hair and taking an auto rickshaw. I had a bad case of auto hair. One of the interns asked me if I’d been bitten by a poodle. After years of deciphering hair jokes before they were even complete, I quickly made the mental connect – Peter Parker got bitten by a spider and became Spider-Man, so my hair suggests that I got bitten by a poodle and hence showed up for work looking like one. I giggled and said, “Oh I’m sorry, that’s just how my hair is.” Turns out it had nothing to do with my hair. There really was a mad poodle downstairs that had attacked another girl in the office that morning. Talk about conceit.

So when the movie Tangled was released, I was super-excited at the prospect of a positive character with bad hair. I was totally let down. Ms. Rapunzel had the best hair in the world. She couldn’t have asked for more well-mannered hair if she wanted to. So I returned to consoling myself by observing that no rock star worth his salt has perfectly straight, tame hair. It’s got to have character. Yes, that’s what it is. My hair’s got character.