I am absolutely terrified of getting old. Not
the lines, wrinkles and knee replacement fears, no. I’m afraid of turning into
one of those people who are so not fun that you just can’t accept the fact that
they were once kids. You take one look at them and it’s implausible. “Nooo!
That guy? Why, he must have worn a well-tailored suit and a frown ever since he
was a baby!” Horrifying, isn’t it?
Age figures quite prominently in pop culture. There
are numerous hilarious references
to ageing and old people. And
that’s just as well. Pop culture is, after all, a youth
thing.
So do “I hope I die before I get old?”
Well, I don’t really hope to die. I
know I will someday, but I think we can all agree that it’s not something that
most of us really look forward to. That said, I must admit that dying young has
its perks. You never have to worry about ageing
gracefully, whatever that is. You remain forever youthful in everyone’s
memory because nobody has ever seen you any other way. You don’t get to the
point where you have to eat your words because you don’t live long enough to be
brought to account for your verbal diarrhea. And you get to leave the world
having severely pissed off your insurers and bankers. That’s got to feel good.
How about Benjamin Button? Get old age over
with as soon as you’re born? That arrangement makes dying early really suck. Besides, I’d hate to have
to worry about my dentures and cataract when I should be a curious toddler
excited about the world. Not taking that deal ever.
That leaves Dorian Gray: staying young forever.
I would’ve said Peter Pan but the boy could never get a drink. Most of us fancy
being Dorian Gray. Botox takes us halfway there. But I’m not impressed. I don’t
think we stop doing foolish things until we realise how foolish we look doing
them.
I think Biology has got it about right.
